(Note: SABR Matt will not be commenting on this feature because he has not yet seen this episode.)
Overall: 9.2
This episode is both HIGH-larious and sweet. Lois Hobson is yet another wonderful addition to the show's cast of semi-regular characters.
Plot Synopsis:
At the start of the episode, Gary leaves McGinty's to track down a missing school mascot, but unfortunately, no one registers his departure, as both Chuck and Marissa are engaged in animated phone conversations at the time. Thus, when Gary, on his monkey hunt, climbs into a condemned theater and falls onto an unstable piece of the theater's catwalk, no one can come to his aide. Indeed, no one knows where he is. A cold night passes.
The following morning, the paper and the Cat arrive at the Hobson home in Indiana. Bernie Hobson can hardly believe his eyes. He correctly deduces that Gary is in some sort of trouble and secretly calls McGinty's to tell Chuck and Marissa (who have just realized themselves that Gary has gone missing) that he's on his way. Bernie then pulls out one of his Cuban cigars and picks a fight with Lois, Gary's oblivious mother, to manufacture an excuse to get out of the house. He makes it to Chicago in record time.
Bernie, Marissa, Chuck, and Crumb discuss Gary's possible whereabouts. Crumb tells the others that it is likely the police will conclude that a "good-looking kid" like Gary simply met a woman the previous night. Bernie enthusiastically accepts this idea - "He has my glands!" - but Chuck and Marissa are decidedly skeptical. Bernie then pulls out the paper and points out a story on the front page that reports that a man will soon jump off a high rise downtown. Bernie is eager to take care of this little story - as you may recall, he enjoyed dealing with the paper the last time he was in town - but Chuck demands to go with him. Chuck, you see, is feeling hurt that the Power behind the paper bypassed him and went straight to Gary's old man.
The jumper in question is a Latvian aerialist named Jerzey Carpathian. Jerzey and his three brothers, we learn later, came to America to make a name for themselves in show business, but so far, success has been elusive. The combined efforts of Bernie and Chuck convince Jerzey that he should've jumped off a bridge instead (LOL!), and he moves to climb over the railing and, presumably, head off to find a suitably private place to off himself. Thinking that Jerzey is trying to jump, Bernie grabs him, and the two of them topple off the roof. Fortunately, the rescue squad is already there with their giant air mattress thanks to a call from Marissa, so no one is hurt. The police take both Bernie and Jerzey into custody. Another night passes.
The following morning, the paper and the Cat once again arrive at the Hobson home in Indiana. A surprised Lois picks up the paper and reads, to her horror, that Bernie will be shot. She assumes this incident has already happened, and she rushes to the police station in Chicago, demanding to know to which hospital Bernie has been sent. There, she finds Bernie alive and well. Before she can work through her confusion, a gunman walks into the station. Bernie and several officers tackle the would-be shooter before anyone gets hurt. Lois then looks at the story in the paper again and sees that it has disappeared. Oops. Time to tell Lois what's going on. Bernie explains how the paper works and admits that he's known for almost a year. Lois can't believe her husband would keep such a thing secret - "He's my son too!" - and she eventually leaves the station in a huff. As far as she's concerned, Bernie can cool his heels in the pokey a little while longer.
Now the keeper of the paper, Lois joins the others at McGinty's. While pursuing clues regarding Gary's disappearance, Lois also manages to collect the other Carpathian brothers. Anatoly Carpathian tries to start a bar fight and is arrested for punching Crumb. Fyodor attempts to hold up a convenience mart with a stick of deodorant (to get bail for his brothers) and is also arrested for punching Crumb. (LOL! This is just not Crumb's day.) Anatoly, Fyodor, and Jerzey subsequently befriend Bernie, who, yes, is still in lock-up at the police station. (LOL again.)
Finally, Gary's credit card turns up on a trace, and Crumb and Lois catch the fourth Carpathian brother, Karl, attempting to buy jeans for the village back in Latvia. When Karl is reunited with his three brothers, he reveals that he just found Gary's wallet sitting on the sidewalk outside of an old theater. Everyone rushes over to the theater, where they find Gary at last. The Carpathians - with a little help from Crumb - use their catapult act to rescue Gary just before the catwalk collapses.
With Gary safe at home, Lois finally bails Bernie out (Heh). They have a discussion outside Gary's loft in which Lois admits that she fears Bernie is becoming bored with her, and Bernie admits that, now that he's retired, he's afraid he's no longer useful to his family. They reconcile; inside the loft, Gary is relieved.
The Skinny:
The most outstanding virtue of this episode is that it is screamingly funny. The hilarity here rivals the hilarity in The Jury, and that's largely thanks to Lois Hobson. The classic comedic moments come fast and furious thanks to Lois' self-declared "crap intolerance." When she refuses to bail Bernie out of jail, I laugh out loud. When she turns on her Mom Voice and scolds Fyodor for attempting to rob that convenience store, she instantly earns herself a place in my personal television hall of fame.
The exuberance of this episode is simply irresistible. When Lois is not making me bust a gut laughing, Bernie, Chuck, Marissa, and the Carpathians manage to mix in a little more fun. Chuck's wounded disbelief that he has not been chosen to be Gary's rescuer is adorable in the extreme, as is the ease with which Bernie hits it off with his Latvian cell mates. This episode is, in sum, a textbook example of the show-runners' gift for whimsy.
But the episode has its hidden depths as well. Running in the background is a story of a healthy and loving couple struggling to adjust to the changes that come with age. Now that their son is out of the house and absorbed in his own (very eventful) life, Bernie and Lois have lost the sense of purpose that held them together in the early years of their marriage. But because they are in fact a functional couple, they make it through their rough patch by digging deep and rediscovering the source of their love. Personally, I think it's nice to see Bernie and Lois go through this transition and come out fine on the other side. Hollywood is so preoccupied with youth that it often forgets that there is life beyond fifty for many couples, and that that life is no less fraught with challenges. Not only must older adults deal with Empty Nest Syndrome and retirement (issues tackled in this episode), but they must also face the troubles brought about by their inevitably failing health and, let's face it, their lagging libidos. In short, a mature marriage can be a wonderful font of drama. Thank you, Alex Taub, for dipping into this often neglected well.
Writing: 9.5
Taub captures the true spirit of Early Edition with a script that is both hilarious and humane.
Acting: 9.0
Kyle Chandler gets a bit of a vacation here, and the rest of the cast fills in for him beautifully. You know you've assembled a fantastic ensemble when you can take out your talented lead and yet still produce an eminently entertaining episode.
Message: 9.0
The messages here can be found in the presentation. Again, the episode suggests that Providence is directing events (see below). And in showing us a couple who can bicker with each other and yet successfully work things out, Taub also manages to produce a story that is distinctly pro-marriage.
The Benevolent Hand:
This time around, the stories in the paper are all designed to help Gary's parents collect the Carpathian brothers - and it is precisely the Carpathians who are needed to accomplish Gary's rescue. Crumb is right -- Someone is indeed looking out for our hero.
Highlights:
LOIS: Bernie --
(Bernie is sitting on the toilet smoking a cigar.)
BERNIE: Sorry, hon. You need the potty?
LOIS: What are you doing?
BERNIE: You know, you gotta give it to these Commies: they make a hell of a cigar.
LOIS: We've talked about this.
BERNIE: What's that?
LOIS: Smoking in the house.
BERNIE: (suddenly belligerent) Are you kickin' me out?
LOIS: (stunned) What?
BERNIE: Are you givin' me the boot?
LOIS: I didn't! I just --
BERNIE: All right, I get the message. You don't have to tell Bernie Hobson twice. (He dumps the cigar in the toilet and flushes it.) Ten-Four. Over and out.
LOIS: Bernie, what is the matter with you?
BERNIE: You don't want me stinking up the house with my fumes? Fine!
LOIS: But --
BERNIE: You cannot unsay what's already been said. (He picks up Cat.)
LOIS: Where did that cat come from?
(Bernie kisses Lois on the forehead.)
BERNIE: Bye, Lois.
LOIS: Where are you going? (LOL! Nice way to get out of the house, Bernie.)
JERZEY: Come closer and I jump! I swear I'll do it!
BERNIE: This is not the answer!
(There's a long pause.)
JERZEY: (smirking) That's it? That's all you got? You climb up onto ledge with suicidal man, and all you have to offer is 'This is not the answer'?
BERNIE: Okay, okay. How 'bout, 'Things aren't as bad as they look'?
JERZEY: How do you know? For all you know, things are worse than they look! Ten times worse than they look!
CHUCK: Then go ahead and jump!
BERNIE: Oh, no...
JERZEY: Who is he?
BERNIE: His name is Chuck Fishman. He's a major pain in the ass. (to Chuck) Thought I told you to stay downstairs!
CHUCK: And miss this? Are you crazy? (to Jersey) Go on, do it. Do a somersault on your way down. We'll even give you a score.
BERNIE: What the hell are you doin'?
CHUCK: It's called tough love. (He leans closer to Bernie.) I saw it in a Clint Eastwood movie.
BERNIE: This is my gig, Fishman. Now butt out! (ROTFL! I love how these two compete over who gets to be the paper guy.)
CHUCK: ... and then, kaboom! Splat! The two of them liquefied all over the pavement!
MARISSA: What?
CHUCK: Well, that's what would've happened if the rescue squad hadn't showed up with that giant air mattress. (We see a shot of Jerzey and Bernie falling into said air mattress.) You called 'em, didn't ya?
MARISSA: Well, yeah, I did. I figured between you and Bernie, that jumper didn't have a chance. (LOL! Ouch.)
LOIS: Our son... get's tomorrow's newspaper... today.
BERNIE: And a cat. I know it's a lot to wrap your mind around. The future. The past. This whole time and space thing. But if you sit with it for a bit and start thinkin' about it, you --
LOIS: And you've known about this for how long?
BERNIE: Well, for about a year. You know, since the last time I visited Gary.
LOIS: And during that time, you didn't say a thing? Not one word?
BERNIE: Wait a minute, is that what's bothering you?
LOIS: I'm your wife, Bernie.
BERNIE: Granted, but what about the fact that it's impossible to get tomorrow's paper today? Doesn't that just shake you up a hair? An eeny-teensy-weensy bit?
LOIS: No. I find a lot of things in this world incomprehensible -- but my husband shouldn't be one of them.
BERNIE: Come on, Lois!
LOIS: I can't believe you didn't tell me. He's my son too!
BERNIE: I know, I know.
LOIS: Oh, no, you had to just go off and have your own little adventure alone. Any excuse to leave the house.
BERNIE: Come on, don't start that.
(A beat.)
LOIS: This has become a pattern with you, Bernie.
BERNIE: It is not a pattern! This is not like any other time. This is about our son!
LOIS: Exactly! Our son. Now do you think that if I found out that our son could predict the future that I would hold that back from you?
BERNIE: Well, I --
LOIS: Ah-ha! Answer the question.
BERNIE: I didn't think you could handle it!
(Off Lois' insulted expression, we cut to: Lois walking out of the police station.)
OFFICER: Mrs. Hobson! What about your husband? Aren't you gonna post bail?
LOIS: Keep him! (ROTFLOL!)
(A pissed off Lois walks into McGinty's.)
CHUCK: Uh oh. (Lois approaches him.) Mrs. Hobson, it's so good to see you!
LOIS: Chuck, how long have you known?
CHUCK: Known about what?
(Lois opens her coat, revealing the paper.)
LOIS: The paper. How long?
CHUCK: I don't believe this. Everybody's getting it but me.
LOIS: You've known about this from the very start, haven't you?
CHUCK: It's Gary's fault. He wouldn't let me tell anyone. I wanted to. I begged him. I pleaded. I said, 'Gary, at least tell your mother.' 'She deserves it,' I said. But he wouldn't listen to me. You know how stubborn he can be!
LOIS: Chuck -- I have this condition. The doctors call it 'crap intolerant.' I can only take so much BS before I explode! (*falls down and dies laughing* Lois is so awesome.)
LOIS: Excuse me. I'm looking for some deodorant.
FYODOR: I do not work here.
LOIS: The roll-on kind about this big. Musk scented?
CRUMB: Lois, why don't you just let me --
LOIS: Like the one you have under your shirt!
CLERK: What? He's holding me up with antiperspirant? That is lame.
FYODOR: I do not know what you are talking about! Get away!
LOIS: Fyodor --
FYODOR: How do you know my name?
LOIS: Drop the deodorant.
FYODOR: No! I need money!
LOIS: You're going to get hurt.
FYODOR: I do not care! My brothers are in jail. They count on me to bail them out!
LOIS: Fyodor, let me ask you one question: if your mother were here, what would she say? (LOL! Classic.)
LOIS: Tell me the truth: in your professional opinion, do you think something's happened to Gary?
CRUMB: Don't take this the wrong way, now, but your kid is... a little different. Strange - strange things seem to happen when he's around. I-I'm getting used to that.
LOIS: You didn't answer my question.
CRUMB: You want to know what I think? (Lois nods.) Someone - or something - is looking out for that kid. (Yep.)
LOIS: Are you married, Mr. Crumb?
CRUMB: Was. Evelyn died thirteen years ago. Lung cancer.
LOIS: Did you and Evelyn - did you ever run out of things to talk about?
CRUMB: Not yet.
LOIS: You know, Bernie and I, we've been married a very long time. I think we're falling apart. I think he's bored with me.
CRUMB: Ah, I'm not gonna buy that. You're not the kind of woman a man could become bored of. (Awwww.)
CHUCK: Where's Bernie?
LOIS: Well, I meant to bail him out. I really did. I mean, we're very close to finding Gary. Bernie should be here, but --
CHUCK: What happened?
LOIS: Well, he gave me an ultimatum! He said he wouldn't let me bail him out unless I bailed out his friends too!
CHUCK: Yeah, but what friends are you talking about?
(The three Carpathian brothers enter.)
LOIS: The Carpathian brothers.
CHUCK: Hello. (to Lois) So what are you gonna do about your husband?
LOIS: Well, I only had enough money for three. (She leans closer to Chuck.) It was an easy choice. I hate ultimatums. (ROTFL!)
BERNIE: Come on, Lois. You haven't said two words to me since you bailed me out.
LOIS: (sarcastic) Oh! You wanna talk now.
BERNIE: What's that supposed to mean?
LOIS: Every morning since you've been retired, you could've talked to me then. Every night, I lie right beside you in bed. You could've talked to me then, but you had to read your books and your magazines and ESPN. You wanna talk now? Well, maybe I don't wanna listen.
BERNIE: Fine. You don't wanna listen? I'm gonna tell ya anyway: you were right all along. I did wanna have an adventure on my own. I shoulda told you about Gary and the newspaper, but --
LOIS: -- you didn't think I could handle it.
BERNIE: Nah, that's a load of crap. I've never seen you in a situation you couldn't handle. You're the most capable woman I ever met.
LOIS: Then Bernie, what is it? What's going on?
BERNIE: What's goin' on is that... you're better at this kind of thing than I am.
LOIS: What kind of thing?
BERNIE: Savin' the day. Bein' a hero. It's right up your alley. Don't you see it? You're the reason that Gary gets the newspaper... because deep down, that boy is just like you. What's goin' on is, I think you don't need me anymore.
LOIS: Bernie --
BERNIE: I don't do anything anymore!
LOIS: Bernie, you're retired. You've earned the right to relax!
BERNIE: I don't wanna relax! I wanna be a hero! Every now and then, I wanna go out and try and save the day. So when the newspaper fell on our porch, I just thought it was my opportunity to see if I still had what it takes. (A beat.) Look at you. You're still as beautiful as you were the day that we met.
LOIS: Do you really mean that?
BERNIE: Of course I do. And look at me. I'm losing a step. I go to the Y, I can't go to the hoop like I used to --
LOIS: Oh, you'll always be a high school senior to me.
BERNIE: You mean that?
LOIS: Absolutely. You are my hero. You always will be. (Awwwww.)
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