Thursday, February 24, 2011

Classics: SG1 5:3 - Ascension

Overall Rating: 1.0

Three sins kill this episode. The sin of boring dialogue. The sin of the horrid message. And the sin of really cheesy romance.

Plot Synopsis:

A recap can be found here, courtesy of the Stargate Wiki.

The Skinny:

So...let me see if I understand the rules of the Ancients correctly. Interfere in the lower races and, as punishment for your sin... ... ...the...beneficiaries of your assistance will be murdered in cold blood and wiped from existence? And then you will be marooned there to spend eternity alone and staring at the horrible human cost of your actions...that...the...almighty Ancients inflicted...wait...wouldn't place them in the same camp as the Lucifer they are fighting? Isn't that interference too? I mean...what the hell kind of justice IS that anyway? Was every member of that civilization guilty of the crimes of its' leaders? Are we to believe that genocide is OK as long as it's committed by someone who "knows better" and in retaliation for bad acts by that race's leadership? WOW

Oh, but that's not the only problem here. Here we also get to rip the Stargate writers again for their complete inability to do romance. I think this team of writers may actually be worse than the folks who wrote romances for Gene Pervenbury's Original Star Trek. They aren't as unfair to women, but they certainly are worse with creating sexual chemistry and far worse with writing romantic plots that make any damned sense. Carter sees Stalker boy...who proceeds to mind rape her...and then...she lets him do it again later after he stalks her for a week or two and barges into her home uninvited to chat about how much he wants to be with her when they don't actually know each other (and don't give me any crap about their minds intermingling...that's a cop-out I have never liked and still don't...just because you know how someone thinks doesn't mean you completely know them...who we are is constantly changing is all ways large and small and is not defined just by our thoughts, but also our actions).

They even cast a guy who plays the role extremely creepily, giving us all that wonderful warm fuzzy feeling we experienced outside of Crystal Lake Campground in 1983. What the hell were they THINKING?? What...he's ascended, so nothing he does is morally wrong except the thing that got millions of people killed? He's tortured, so he gets a free pass on behaving like the man in the song "I'll Be Watching You?" Stargate writers should just...stop trying to do romance...except for whoever it was that wrote the coming together of McKay and Keller (and for that matter, McKay and Katie Brown). That's the only romance I can think of that they actually sold. Not even the stuff on Universe has been working. They had ONE good romantic idea in all of 10 SG-1 seasons...and that was the story they intentionally DIDN'T tell. If they'd decided to put Carter and Jack together, it would probably have been written as poorly as it was for Carter and Martouf. like that relationship for God knows what reason. *headdesk*

On top of all that...this episode was just f***ing BORING!! The dramatic tension lasted about 11 seconds (the time near the end when Orlin used his makeshift gate to get to his planet of shame and stop SG-1 from getting annihilated by the sky bullies for daring to learn about a big huge gun that might save Earth from the Goa'uld. Damn us for wanting to NOT die. *heavy, exhausted sigh*

Writing: 0.0

Boring, cheesy, illogical, and just plain stupid. AWFUL script, Mr. Cooper. Don't quit your day j...oh s***...this IS your day job.

Acting: 3.0

Tapping doe sher best to salvage something from this, but even she doesn't seem to want to be there for this night of the living dead TV scripts. Like a zombie, she stumbles her way through the "romantic" scenes and her kiss with Flanery reminds me of cousins kissing on a dare. Flanery, BTW, is just f***ing creepy and yet...somehow also wooden and uninteresting. FOr a tortured soul damned to an eternity of devastation and loneliness, he sure seems like a bad replica of Star Trek: Voyager's Tuvok.

Message: 0.0

I'll say it now and I'll say it again later when the show's writers finally get it right and fight against the message in this episode...the Ancients suck. They're no better than the Ori. Their non-interference dogma is actually worse than the Prime Directive's application on TNG, because they have the power to murder a gazillion people in cold blood if they decide that their interference is better than other forms of interference.

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