Guest Post: The Social Justice Warrior, by Declan Finn

Do not change your channel. We are in control. We control the justification. We control the font...

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I should introduce myself. I am Declan Finn, author of the novel Codename: Winterborn, and a few other books that are in the wrong genre. Stephanie will return eventually, after she chews through the restraints in the closet (don't worry, I left air holes). So, what shall we talk about today?

Well, let's perform a study of an SJW, a Social Justice Warrior. A rare, but vicious breed, the SJW knows all, sees all, and is quite happy to tell you what's wrong with you, what you like, what you think, and all of your bad habits. The Corps is mother, the Corps is father … oh, wait, never mind.

It's why a bunch of Staten Island cops piled onto a New Yorker for selling loose cigarettes: Cigarettes are bad for you, after all. Didn't you know that? Don't worry, the SJW knew all about it, and they're happy to set you straight. If they happen to kill you along the way, well, omelets, eggs, you know how that works.

That's a real-life example of an SJW, you ask? Let's take someone we in the video game industry all know well – one Anita Sarkeesian. If you've not heard of this creature from the black lagoon, she's the one who insists that video games demean women, are cruel, vicious, and just plain mean about it. If you happen to disagree with her, you're a misogynist. If you're a woman and disagree with her, you're a brainwashed woman who needs to be reeducated by Anita. Don't worry, I hear they'll have camps for that sort of reeducation soon enough.

What's that? I'm being harsh with Anita? Well, she and her ilk have accused gamers like me of putting threats on her life. Nevermind that the FBI have dismissed these threats after a thorough investigation, she's quite happy to say her life is under threat. After all, if people want to kill her, that means she's right. See how that works?

A particularly fun bit of business is when Sarkeesian labels particular video games as sexist. Usually, in order to do this, she cherry picks at will. Like ….

A Metal Gear Solid game, where the hero saves himself!

… Except that the same video game has a heroine fighting her way past guards, while the guy fakes being ill.

Or how about Hitman: Absolution, where there's a strip club! With strippers! That you murder!

… Except that to even run into said strippers is to use one of three routes through said club. And the game penalizes you for being seen by them, or harming them.

Then there's Watch Dogs, where the game shows you topless women!

… Except that it's a sex slave ring that our hero is going to break up. And why should the game soften the horrors of this sort of thing?

But Anita is an SJW! She knows what's best for you. She cares. She says the right things to the right people, and she's a secular saint. Understand? If you know what's good for you, you'll smile, nod, or the SJWs will care for you until you can't breathe.

The nice thing about the SJW is that they don't breed very often. Well, they breed quite a bit, actually, but thankfully, they never spawn. They an an endangered species, and the only way they can germinate their beliefs is to inject it into other people. Unless something radically changes, Anita Sarkeesian will never spawn, because motherhood is demeaning, don't you know? It oppresses women. The SJWs tell us so.

Thankfully, normal people like us – graded for values of normal – don't have to go to any extreme to fight off this menace. They are a self-defeating group whose very ideas spell their doom.

Stephanie speaks from the closet: If only I could be so optimistic. The problem with these SJWs is that they still have most of the organs of culture on their side. Anita learned her mendacious feminist analysis from professors in our universities, and she's backed whole-heartedly by our media. Until we retake those leftist strongholds, there's always a chance our children will be led to the dark side (which, unfortunately, does not have cookies -- or fun either).