Classics: DS9 3:3 - The House of Quark

Overall Rating: 7.8

Quark takes over a Klingon House. What could possibly go wrong with that? :) In seriousness (hard to do with this episode), this is actually a very charming episode and it demonstrates not only the positive power of capitalistic intelligence, but the quality of Quark's honor and better yet, the quality of ROM'S honor (which we don't get to see much in the first two seasons).

Plot Synopsis:

When a drunken Klingon man tries to attack Quark in his bar, misses, and falls on his own blade, Quark takes credit for the killing to boost dragging business. The thread of the Dominion is driving paying customers off the station and he's desperate to turn things around. The patrons are impressed with Quark's apocryphal tale of a hand to hand struggle and a self-defense killing, but Odo is not. He warns Quark that the man he claims to have killed is the leader of a powerful house and it's likely someone will come looking for revenge but Quark is confident that if such a moment arrives, he can bribe the angry family member to save his skin. When a Klingon man tracks him down in the corridors outside Quarks and demands an explanation, claiming he's Kozak's brother D'Ghor, Quark starts to tell the truth, but D'Ghor angrily stops him. If his 'brother' died in an accident, the dishonor would destroy the whole family, but if he died in honorable combat, that would be OK. Quark, relieved, reasserts his claim of self-defense and D'Ghor leaves, satisfied.

This is where things take a bizarre turn for poor Quark. Later, in his bar, a Klingon woman arrives and also demands an explanation. Now Quark tries the lie and this woman, who we later find out is named Grilka, angrily insists on the truth. Quark admits it was an accident and Grilka kidnaps him without warning. When he awakes, she orders him to put on a hideous looking ceremonial gown and repeat some unintelligible Klingon phrases, followed with a kiss that seals their marriage! Grilka, desperate to maintain control of her fallen house fills Quark in on the situation. Kozak, her drunkard husband, has been squandering the titles of their house and now, D'Ghor - a hated enemy of the house of Kozak - is using Quark's claims of honorable combat to prevent Grilka from getting special dispensation to rule her house in his absence (they have no male heir to take Kozak's place). As an honored widow, she has the right to claim her husband's killer as the new leader of her house, though it's never been done with a Ferengi before.

The next day, Grilka presents Quark to the Klingon High Council and D'Ghor insists a Ferengi cannot be allowed to lead a Klingon house. Gowron, however, doesn't see a way around it and grants Grilka's request for the time being, but they will take the matter under advisement. When Quark tries to bribe D'Ghor, he is challenged to a fight but Gowron intervenes. No challenge may be raised without just cause. Grilka is furious with Quark later for daring to speak up, but Quark has about had it with Klingon traditions and demands an equal role in the partnership. Grilka advises him about Kozak's bad financial dealings and Quark insists he be allowed to look at the family's financial records and D'Ghor's as well. He discovers that D'Ghor has been systematically attacking the House of Kozak (now the House of Quark) for years with financial gamesmanship and attempts to present this fact to the High Council, but, evidently, Klingons have no patience for math, because none of them seems to understand. Gowron finally gets fed up with trying to follow the financial maze and demands that D'Ghor answer Quark's charges of cowardly financial scheming. Now D'Ghor has an opening to challenge Quark through personal combat and asserts (incredibly!) that Quark's story of self-defense was made up. Rom arrives as his witness to this fact.

Now, with Klingon combat on the menu for the next day, Quark tries to sneak out of Grilka's home but is stopped by her assistant Tumek. Caught, Quark tries to convince Grilka and Tumek that he has no choice but to flee. D'Ghor is going to kill him in personal combat and he has no chance to defend himself, after all. Grilka is profoundly disappointed with him - she thought there was a spark of honor in him from their previous interactions and this is not the act of an honorable man. She releases both Ferengi from her house in disgust. Quark is about to make a break for it when Rom stops him. It just doesn't seem right leaving Grilka to get killed by D'Ghor and her land and titles taken by such a disreputable character.

The next day, just as it seems Quark is not going to show up for the challenge and D'Ghor is demanding Grilka's house, he makes a big entrance. He says he is prepared to face his challenger and they make ready for the fight. But just as Gowron starts the battle, Quark throws his bat'leth aside and dares D'Ghor to kill an innocent unarmed Ferengi in cold blood. He insists that's really why he's here. Everyone knows he has no fair chance to win this battle, so he's not going to pretend otherwise. If D'Ghor wants him dead, he'll have to do it without honor. D'Ghor is ready to deliver the fatal blow when Gowron angrily stops him. He's shown his true colors - he is without honor and the High Council will hear no more from him, his dis-commendation made official with the ceremonial turning of the guard. D'Ghor slinks away in defeat and Grilka is granted special dispensation to rule her own house. Thrilled, she promises Quark any payment and he asks for a divorce, which she gladly grants - and then passionately kisses him for his trouble.

Meanwhile, back on the station, Keiko has been forced to close down the school because all of the Bajoran children have relocated back to Bajor. She tries to put up a brave front but Miles knows she's heartbroken and now feeling like she doesn't have anything to contribute here. He tries to appease her with romantic dinners and even considers building an arboretum for her in one of the spare cargo bays, but none of it will be enough as Bashir sagely points out. The source of the problem is still here...Keiko has no function on this space station. She's a botanist...she needs to go elsewhere to find work. Miles finds her a job on a survey team in some of the harshest terrain on Bajor and insists she take it. He can manage without her while she does what she loves, he promises.

Writing: 8.0

The dialogue between O'Brien and Keiko is very sweet in several places...it's a minor side plot, but I just love how mature the romantic relationships within DS9 canon tend to be (for the most part) and Keiko and Miles are a perfect example of that in this episode. The writers also have a strange way of making you really proud of the little Ferengi toads as well. :) There are a lot of genuinely funny moments between Quark and Grilka (who have shockingly good chemistry, all things considering) and big face off between Quark and D'Ghor is classic Trekkie goodness.

Acting: 8.0

Mary Kay Adams (Grilka) did a fine job, particularly in her one on one scenes with Quark. It's actually a little disturbing how much chemistry she managed to create between a proud Klingon woman and a Ferengi troll (heh), but we'll revisit that in the fifth season classic "Looking for Par'mok in All the Wrong Places." I've never been all that impressed with Robert O'Reilly (Gowron) in any of his Trek performances, nor am I particularly impressed with the overacting job pulled off by Carlos Carrasco (D'Ghor)...the dude was always screaming...seriously...Klingons may like to speak up, but calm the heck down, Carlos! Colm Meaney, Rosalind Chao (Keiko) and Alexander Siddig (getting better and better as the years pass) do an outstanding job in this episode as well.

Message: 7.5

Message number one - even a tribal warrior culture should take the time to educate their children in the ways of math, lest they turn into Kozak...or Gowron for that matter. :D Capitalism has its day again, though this time, it isn't the sole thing needed to produce the positive outcome thanks to Klingon stubbornness.

Message number two - even the little guy who is a scrappy survivor and thus is often viewed as a coward has a sense of honor. The caricature of Ferengi invented in the TNG canon is so undeniably unrealistic compared to the three dimensional Ferengi people we meet on DS9, that we often forget how well Ronald D. Moore did to rehabilitate that race at all, even if the all-Ferengi episodes were largely terrible. LOL A nefarious Yankee trader isn't someone without a personal code as TNG writers portrayed. He's someone whose personal code revolves around survival. Understand that, and you'll understand the Ferengi. And you'll see that they are capable of nobility under the right circumstances as we'll witness time and again with Rom, Nog and Quark.

Message number three - real marriages are about both people reaching out to one another and compromising a little when it's necessary. Miles and Keiko demonstrate how a healthy marriage works (without unnecessarily sugar coating it - they do fight after all) and even Quark and Grilka demonstrate, to a certain extent, that partnerships work better when you work together. :)

Highlights:

QUARK: Now I know we're doomed.
ROM: Why, brother?
QUARK: Rule of Acquisition 286. When Morn leaves, it's all over.
ROM: There is no such rule.
QUARK: Well, there should be.

QUARK: I should have gone into insurance. Better money, fewer hazards, less scruples. (LOL)

ROM: This is insane, brother! What about his family? What if they come looking for the killer? What if they want revenge!
QUARK: If push comes to shove, I'll tell the truth, and no harm done. Or, let me put it another way. If business doesn't pick up soon, I'll have to start making cutbacks in the operation of my bar, starting with...your salary.
ROM: How big of a cutback?
QUARK: I'd probably have to cut it back to zero.
ODO: Alright, Quark; start from the beginning.
ROM: My brother fought a desperate hand to hand battle with the Klingon and was forced to kill him in self defense! (hee)
ODO: You killed him?
QUARK: I'm sorry. I couldn't avoid it. He was abusive, vulgar...(now turning to the crowd of gawkers with gusto)...a typical drunken Klingon! And all of that fine until it came time to pay his bill. He refused. I insisted...so he pushed me. I pushed back. I was about to security to have him thrown out of my bar when suddenly, he pulled a knife on me! I hit him! With a left jab. There was a furious exchange of blows! And the next thing I knew, his knife was at my throat! So...I twis...ted...it out of his grasp! Aaaaannd plunged it into his chest!! (Now putting on a look of horror) I'll never forget the look on his face as the life drained out of him. I'd rather not talk about this anymore...(ROTFL!!)

O'BRIEN: How was school today?
KEIKO: I closed it.
O'BRIEN: You closed the school? Why? What happened?
KEIKO: My last two Bajoran students relocated to Bajor yesterday. That left Jake, Nog and a lot of empty chairs.
O'BRIEN: Well what about Jake and Nog? Won't they need someone to...
KEIKO: I told them I'd be happy to tutor them from now on. Two students are not enough to sustain a school.
O'BRIEN: (deeply concerned) Keiko...I'm really sorry.
KEIKO: It's not your fault, Miles. Everyone's just afraid of the Dominion. People aren't going to be moving their families here anymore. That means no children, which means no school.
O'BRIEN: I wish there was something I could...
KEIKO: Don't be so upset. It's not like I was planning to be a teacher for the rest of my life.
O'BRIEN: Keiko...
KEIKO: Stop it, Miles, I'm fine. Really. (Miles obviously doesn't believe her...aww)

QUARK: Don't worry, Constable, I won't be dispatching any more of my customers today. You don't have to keep an eye on me.
ODO: Thank you for your concern, Quark, but I'm not here to protect your customers from your...violent temper.
QUARK: Then what can I do for you?
ODO: I just thought you'd like to know who it was you killed.
QUARK: Sure.
ODO: His name was Kozak...by all accounts a thoroughly disreputable character and a notorious drunk.
QUARK: Well...sounds like someone who was going to get himself killed sooner or later. I'm just sorry it had to happen here.
ODO: Hmmm. You might also be interested to know that Kozak wasn't just some drifter passing through. He was the head of a Klingon family. From what I can gather, a rather powerful family. Now. Do you want to change your story or do you want to wait for his family to show up and ask to see the Ferengi bartender who killed him?
QUARK: I've told you what happened, Odo. Now either order something or make room for a paying customer. (Odo is stunned and frustrated with Quark's stubborn answer...LOL)

ROM: But what about Kozak's family? What if they come here looking for revenge?
QUARK: If that happens...I'll stand up...look them right in the eye...and offer them a bribe! (LOL)

O'BRIEN: I can't believe you've forgotten what day it is!
KEIKO: Well it's not our anniversary...or my birthday...or...
O'BRIEN: It's I'm married to the most wonderful woman in the galaxy day. I marked it on your calendar!
KEIKO: (laughing) I don't think I'm too familiar with that one.
O'BRIEN: Oh, it's an old Irish tradition. (he opens champagne and pours Keiko a glass)
KEIKO: Oh, too bad it only comes once a year.
O'BRIEN: Well actually it's a very irregular holiday. Crops up all over the place. Sometimes twice a day.
KEIKO: Really?! So what's a traditional celebration? Cake? Noise makers? Fireworks?
O'BRIEN: (suggestively as they embrace) Oh...definitely fireworks. (Giggity! LOL)

GRILKA: So you lied. To the station security officer, to your customers and to D'Ghor. You must be quite the liar!
QUARK: It's a gift! (ROTFL!)

GRILKA: I told you not to speak!
QUARK: I was trying to avoid a lot of unnecessary bloodshed. Like mine! (LOL)

GRILKA: Kozak squandered much of our resources...incurred several large gambling debts. As a result our house is severely weakened in power and influence. Much of the debt is owed to D'Ghor. He is now ready to take advantage of our weakness. If he can gain our land and title, his house will become a very powerful influence in the empire. He may even earn a seat on the High Council.
QUARK: Would it be possible to give me access to your family's financial records, and I mean all of them. D'Ghor's too if you can arrange it. Maybe I can find a way out of this mess.
GRILKA: That is not how we do things here. We are Klingons! We do not dirty ourselves with filthy ledgers looking for some financial...
QUARK: Look! We've been doing things your way from the start and now you're out of ideas. Maybe we should try doing it my way for a change? It certainly can't hurt to let me look at some...filthy ledgers. (go Quark! - of course I would also like to point out the hypocrisy here...if a Klingon family's power in the empire is determined by their financial wealth and land ownership as Grilka suggests above, then they most certainly do dirty themselves with filthy ledgers...but whatever...LOL)

O'BRIEN: Do you think it'll work?
BASHIR: Absolutely! For about two months. And then you'll be right back where you started.
O'BRIEN: Two months?
BASHIR: Well it's been my experience that when a couple are having problems, a smile and sweet words will buy you a couple of hours, flowers...that's good for a week. An arboretum...that'll get you two months at least. But you'll still have to solve the underlying problem.
O'BRIEN: I thought an arboretum would give her a chance to continue her studies. Give her something to do with all her spare time.
BASHIR: Like a hobby.
O'BRIEN: Exactly!
BASHIR: Exactly...why it won't work. Miles, you can't expect her to turn her career into a hobby. Would you be satisfied puttering around in a workshop building nanocircuit boards and playing with tricorders? You're chief of operations, I'm a doctor...and Keiko is a botanist. And until she can be a botanist again, I'm not sure she's ever going to be happy. (ouch...wise words from the young Padewon...the force is strong with this one)

QUARK: It's no accident your family's been getting weaker and D'Ghor's is getting stronger. He's been systematically attacking your family's assets for over five years now!
GRILKA: You mean D'Ghor's been scheming and plotting like a Fe...
QUARK: (proudly) Like...a Ferengi. (zing!)

GRILKA: Thank you, Quark. You may have saved my family.
QUARK: Well it is the House of Quark...after all. (they share a laugh)
GRILKA: I'm really very grateful for everything you've done for me, Quark. That is why I'm going to let you take your hand off my thigh...instead of shattering every bone in your tiny body. (they laugh again and Quark takes his hand off her thigh...heh...can't blame a guy for trying, right?)

QUARK: I am Quark...son of Keldar. I've come to answer the challenge of...D'Ghor. Son of...whatever.
GRILKA: Whatever happens...I am proud of you.
QUARK: I wish I could say that's comforting. (heh)
(They prepare for the battle and just as Gowron gives the go ahead, Quark ditches his bat'leth)
QUARK: Go ahead. Kill me. That is why I'm here right? Well, here I am...do it! You all want me to pick up that sword and fight him, don't you? But I don't have a chance and you know it. You just want me to put up a fight so that your precious honor will be preserved. Well I'm not gonna make it so easy for you. Having me fight D'Ghor...is no more than an execution. If that's what you want...then that's what you'll get. An execution. No honor...no glory. And when you tell your children and their children the heroic tale of how you rose to power and took Grilka's house from her...I hope you remember to tell them how you killed an unarmed Ferengi...half you size. (Awesome...)

GRILKA: You have given me back my house and my family name. How can I repay you?
QUARK: I would like a divorce, please. No offense.
GRILKA: None taken. I can give it to you right away. (she slaps Quark ridiculously hard and curses in Klingon at him...she seems to enjoy it a little too much...LOL) You're a free man.
QUARK: A little warning would have been nice!! (she kisses him passionately)
GRILKA: Qa'plagh, Quark...son of Keldar.
QUARK: Qa'plagh to you too. (LOL!)

O'BRIEN: Keiko...there's an agrobiology expedition in the New Rallin province on Bajor. They need a chief botanist for the trip. I think you could qualify.
KEIKO: On Bajor?
O'BRIEN: That's right. They've never surveyed these mountains before. It's a very important expedition.
KEIKO: How long is this expedition supposed to last?
O'BRIEN: Six months.
KEIKO: I can't leave you and Molly alone here for six months.
O'BRIEN: Well you can take Molly with you. I checked. And as for me...well Bajor's only three hours away on a runabout. We can manage!
KEIKO: Miles...when we moved here, we made an agreement...
O'BRIEN: I know what we said...
KEIKO: ...and I'm not trying to back out of that agreement. Don't let this business with the school make you feel guilty and...
O'BRIEN: Well this isn't about guilt. This is about you being happy and me knowing that you're not.
KIEKO: I made a promise...to stay with you and make this work.
O'BRIEN: I know. You're a botanist, Keiko. That's what you've trained for - that's what you love! Be a botanist, Keiko. Be the best damned botanist in the galaxy. (very...very sweet)