Overall Rating: Less Than Zero.
The House writers are about one more comically amoral episode away from losing me forever.
Plot Synopsis:
PotW: When a woman in an open marriage has a sudden explosion of stomach pain while on a date with another man, House naturally can't resist getting involved in her case (despite the initial appearance that her case will be nothing more than a mundane blocked intestine). Her pain mysteriously vanishes when House gives her a barium enema to prepare for an X-Ray of her bowels. They find a blog and flush it, but House insists on finding the root cause of her dysfunction, so they leave Taub in charge of running a barium swallow test to see whether her digestive tract is functioning normally. The test reveals nothing, but the patient has a sudden arrhythmia which changes their focus. Multiple organ systems become affected - heart, kidneys, bowels - and the team treats for a variety of possible causes, running from herpes to sarcoidosis (yes, that one again). When the patient's stomach pain returns with a vengeance, the team suspects stomach cancer has led to a bowel intercession, but find only non-specific swelling in a biopsy. Finally, House notices her husband bringing her lilacs (which attract bees) and concludes she has recently been stung, and it caused an attach of a rare systemic auto-immune disease (named after two Germans I won't try to spell here).
The Man-whore: Taub has lost all rights to his name in my review. He is and shall from this point forward always be called a man-whore. After speaking with the PotW about her open marriage (otherwise known as the ultimate symptom of relationship dysfunction), the man-whore (who protests that he wants to do right by his wife and stay monogamous) brings up open marriage at the dinner table with his wife. She is quite rightly offended and the man-whore hides like a cowardly little wart overnight. When he returns home the next day, his wife - desperately trying to save her marriage (good for her, though he methods are self-destructive) - offers the man-whore an open marriage with strict rules. Like the giant man-whore that he is, he sets up a date with the nurse with whom he's been flirting, but is forced to cancel when his wife grows a friggin' brain and realizes she can't go through with it.
Through this whole thing, sex-obsessed dumbass (my new name for Remy...who has also lost all rights to have a human name from this point forward) tries to convince the man-whore that he should go for it with the nurse. She seems suckered in by the PotW and her obviously broken marriage and tries to sell the man-whore on the idea that his promiscuous nature is genetic (and thus out of his control)...smiles like a kid in a candy store when she hears that the man-whore has gotten permission to diddle the nurses...and then expresses anger when he cancels his date, saying he can't hurt his wife like that.
But this tale (which would be hilarious if it weren't so utterly insulting) is not over yet. The man-whore sees the slutty nurse in the parking lot (we assume she knows he's married and is still hitting on him anyway...by all definitions, she is therefore a slut...sorry, Steph)...after everything he said about wanting to protect his wife, the man-whore kisses the nurse and they're off to commit adultery! Oh happy day!
Wilson: Meanwhile, Wilson is starting to repress anger like he always does in his failed relationships. House notices and pushes him over the edge into a fight with his ex by doing lots of little things to annoy Wilson and making it seem like the ex is to blame. He really seems to genuinely want to help Wilson, and sure enough, Wilson blows a gasket and tells her she was a selfish bitch in their marriage. House then waltzes into Cuddy's office to gloat that in trying to do a nice thing for Wilson, he was rewarded by the removal of the ex from the picture. "Karma works!" Much to his dismay, his good deed only serves to strengthen Wilson's relationship - they make up and settle on the notion that their relationship should be more honest. House seems bummed.
Writing: 0.0
Let's see...the show's greatest strength (the witty dialog) was once again absent. The characterization of Sex-Obsessed-dumbass (formerly Thirteen) is getting worse by the week - I've lost all interest in rooting for her happiness at this point. The man-whore's character is intact, but he was always the least likable of the cast. House (the character) is becoming boring as crap at this point. Wilson's current subplot could not be any less appealing if they tried. The medicine is starting to feel stale and rehashed and they're trying to divert us from that fact by making the patients have sensational personal lives. I have lost the will to go on with more ranting.
Acting: 6.0
Hugh Laurie's talents are being largely wasted lately...he's not appearing on screen as much as he used to, and this week, his role in the drama was pretty insignificant if you ask me. The guest cast was unconvincing, but not putrid. Really, the only actor who stood out to me was Peter Jacobsen. I can hate his character, but I do respect some of the nuances of his performance. At least he can convey guilt well.
Message: Negative Infinity
Let's list the trite and stupidly inaccurate cliches spouted in this episode to defend adultery (and immorality in general), shall we?
HOUSE: That any of us manage monogamous relationships at all is amazing. No other animal species mate for life - and don't tell me about swans.
First of all, House, you are scientifically inaccurate. Some species of penguins, gorillas, many species of domestic birds, alligators, lobsters, seahorses and probably countless other groups in the animal kingdom mate for life. Second of all, even if humanity were the only species on this planet to exhibit monogamy...do you suppose there might be a reason? Perhaps...the fact that we are sentient, and therefore attach greater significance to our pair-bonding and procreation than other animals? If monogamy is unnatural - where did we get the idea to try it in the first place?!
THIRTEEN: I read a study where (insert genetic marker or hormone level) was correlated with promiscuity. So you shouldn't feel guilty - it's out of your control.
There are also studies showing that violent behavior is frequently linked to genetic conditions - should those people be allowed to assault, rape or murder anyone they want? Should they not feel guilty? Genetics are not a blueprint for the events of your life. They dictate how your physical body will function, but they do not control your every move nor your morality.
PotW: Three years into our marriage, I realized that a traditional marriage was making us miserable. It is unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill all of your needs. I'd rather enjoy the 90% he does fulfill and be honest about getting the other 10% elsewhere.
Two things to think about, writers. ONE: Where is it written that every need MUST BE FULFILLED! for our lives to be fulfilling and happy? These idiots should try watching a healthy, successful marriage. If you're going to try to convince me that my parents (both of them) get everything they want at all times, you're going to be talking to a wall, because I'm not buying it. Our society has become so selfish and spoiled that we expect everything to be perfect all the time, and if there's one little thing that we can't get with our partner, then the partner is failing us and we have a right to look elsewhere. I think that's DISGUSTING.
TWO: even if we grant this ridiculous notion that it's normal to demand every one of our needs be met at all times...perhaps we shouldn't be the ones judging what we need. Here's a hint...if your needs include the giddy thrill of adultery...MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. Maybe you should GET SOME HELP! There's a reason we need faith in a higher power...we can't always trust that we know what we really need. Only God could know everything about what we need to be happy. The rest is so easily polluted by self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, by mental illness, by societal pressures and influences etc. that we can't take our conscious opinions about our needs as though they were facts.
There were a few other guffaw-worthy cliches, but I'm giving myself a migraine, so I think I'll let you all watch the episode and find the rest. The point is - this episode is the ultimate example of the "Me" culture on steroids and speed and running amok unchecked by morals that no longer exist in Hollywood. I am mortified that I wasted an hour watching this utter crap.
At least House had enough sense to call the patient and her husband on their self-delusions...though I don't think he did so out of a belief that adultery was wrong. Now if you'll excuse me...I'm going to go scream into a pillow for an hour or two.
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