Classics: Farscape 2:11 - 2:13 - The 'Look at the Princess' Trilogy

Overall: 9.0

The scope of this story is ginormous -- and I love ginormous.

Plot Synopses:

Part I: A Kiss Is But a Kiss is summarized here.

Part II: I Do, I Think is summarized here.

Part III: The Maltese Crichton is summarized here.

(All summaries are courtesy of the Farscape Wiki.)

The Skinny:

You know, I didn't watch Farscape back when it originally aired. As we in the fandom say, I "mainlined" it the summer before the release of The Peacekeeper Wars. And I distinctly remember reading the synopsis of the current trilogy provided in the first edition DVD set and thinking, "Wow. That sounds stupid." Fortunately, my initial impression turned out to be very wrong indeed. The first time I watched Look at the Princess, I was immediately impressed with all of the court intrigue. At the time, you see, I was wholly immersed in the Babylon 5 fandom, so it was only natural that I would gravitate to yet another profoundly political story.

Did I still enjoy the court politics on my second viewing? Yes, actually. I have never lost my love for stories that involve scheming nobles plotting to seize power -- or stories that involve enormous galactic empires jockeying for advantageous positions. I still eat that stuff up like candy, particularly when it's as well-written as it is here. But now that I've seen the rest of the series - now that I know where all of this is leading - I appreciate this trilogy all the more for the other things it accomplishes:

• It introduces the Scarrans and sets them up as the Peacekeepers' direct competitors.


• It offers, at the very least, the beginning of an explanation regarding Scorpius' origins -- that he is the offspring of a Sebacean mother and a Scarran father and that both the Sebaceans and the Scarrans consider him a genetic abomination. It also reveals one of Scorpius' key weaknesses -- that he struggles daily to maintain homeostasis.


• It drops some big hints that Scorpius is connected to John in some way and has the ability to control Our Hero's actions, a fact that drives the major arc of the current season. "Scorpius is in the back of my mind, and I can't shake him." Ah, John -- you are more right than you know.


• It establishes that John and Aeryn are genetically compatible.

It's also worth mentioning that while David Kemper is laying the groundwork for storylines to come, he also manages to squeeze a good deal of genuine emotion out of the characters. The way Kemper handles John's fatherly instinct, for example, is shockingly poignant. By the end of the trilogy, you feel sincerely sorry that John will never know his unborn daughter. Meanwhile, the internal conflict that rages within John as he faces, head on, the very real possibility that he will never see Earth again also makes for extremely compelling viewing, particularly given that Ben Browder more than rises to the occasion.

Then there's the B-plot. You see, while John is trying to find some way out of his predicament on the Royal Planet, Zhaan is put through a test to prove her worth as Moya's principal protector, and she passes with flying colors the moment she demonstrates that she's willing to kill to shield the great Leviathan from her enemies. This, of course, is something that pains Zhaan greatly, but as a viewer, I find the writer's skepticism with regards to pacifism to be most appealing. And let's face it -- I also love that Kahaynu finally gives Moya an honest-to-God voice. As I remark in the highlights section below, that is just made of pure awesome.

Is Look at the Princess perfect? No -- there are a few elements that bug me. For example, I feel that John's make-out session with Jena is awfully gratuitous and inorganic. But the few scenes that fall flat are definitely outnumbered by the scenes that work. Bravo!

Writing: 9.5

As I said, I have a real weakness for court intrigue. But I think even those who don't share my peculiar tastes will appreciate the strength of Kemper's writing.

Acting: 9.5

The Powers That Be have assembled a strong guest cast here -- and among the regulars, Ben Browder in particular is phenomenal. Have I mentioned yet that I consider Browder to be one of science fiction's best leading men?

Message: 8.0

I love that John instantly asks to be re-petrified the moment he learns that Katralla is pregnant with his child. And as I noted above, I also really like Zhaan's bold defense of Moya in the secondary plot.

(Check out the highlights below the cut!)



Highlights:

John: Chiana!
Chiana: (off screen) Yeah?
John: (as Aeryn watches) Yeah, I'm going down to the planet - you wanna hang?
Chiana: (breathing heavily) Yeah...
Aeryn: (muttering to herself) That's good. (And with that, Aeryn turns and walks away.)
John: Cool, can I come in? (He hits the door release just in time to see Chiana and D'Argo very much in flagrante delicto. Immediately, he averts his gaze and starts to back out.) WHOA-HO-HO! BAD TIME! G-good time! Sorry - uh - WRONG TIME! (ROTFL! Oops!)

Chiana: You know Crichton's in custody?
Aeryn: What?
Chiana: Mm-hm. He kissed some princess and now they won't let him go.
Aeryn: (raging) Of all the stupid --
Chiana: You want me to jump to another conclusion? We probably wouldn't be in this dren if it wasn't for you!
Aeryn: Me?
Chiana: Yeah! If you hadn't rejected him --
Aeryn: It wasn't my door he was last seen sniffing under.
Chiana: Some women consider that a compliment.
Aeryn: Some women have to. (Oh, SNAP!)

D'Argo: Now, Rygel and I are in agreement about this, so listen up!
Rygel: (patiently) You increase our chances of figuring something out the longer you at least pretend to love this girl.
John: (agitated) LOVE? Love! Rygel, there is no love! I am the reverse King Arthur. I am the one who could put the sword into the stone! (LOL! That's a great way to put it.)

John: I don't love your daughter.
Empress Novia: (unconcerned) How could you? You just met.
John: Why don't you let your son be king?
Empress Novia: He's a fool. He would betray our neutrality for the genuflect of peasants. And that breach would toll in hundreds of millions of lives.
John: Yeah. Starting with mine.
Empress Novia: I have no purpose for you, other than to keep my empire stable. If we recognize the Scarrans, Peacekeepers attack. Pact with Peacekeepers, Scarrans invade. You must wed Katralla.
John: Empress Novia, I understand your problems. But you need to understand, there's nothing you can say that's gonna make me marry your daughter.
(She smiles at him without malice. But she isn't an Empress for nothing - and she gestures to someone behind John. He turns just in time to see Scorpius enter the atrium)
Scorpius: (cheerfully) Oh! Hello, Crichton! (John freezes and experiences a flashback to the Gammak Base and his horrific torture at the hands of Scorpius in the Aurora Chair. For a chaotic moment he is back in Chair screaming and Scorpius is murmuring "...something to remember me by..." But he snaps out of his terrible reverie as Scorpius does indeed engulf him in a hearty embrace, saying -) I have traveled a long, long way just to see you again!
John: I hate to say that you've wasted your time, Scorpy, but you have.
Scorpius: You know that no matter what you think, the rift between us need not be terminal.
John: Go away, Scorpy. It's over. Find another girlfriend.
Scorpius: Now don't let her frighten you, John, hm? Now you make the correct decision.
(John numbly watches him as he steps away. The Empress leans in close and murmurs -)
Empress Novia: My daughter, or that abomination. Choose.
(She steps away from John as well and goes to stand by Scorpius. John hesitates for only a second before walking stiffly over to Katralla.)
Princess Katralla: Bad?
John: (shaken) Enough.
Princess Katralla: She's strong and gets what she wants.
John: What about you?
Princess Katralla: Rarely.
John: So what do you want?
Princess Katralla: To be Empress. To have children. To keep the peace for my people.
John: Even if we're miserable for the rest of our lives?
Princess Katralla: I won't make you miserable. I'm sorry. (Sucks for the both of them.)

Rygel: Oh! This is truly amazing, Crichton! I must have one for my kingdom!
Princess Katralla: Boy or girl?
John: I'm sorry, what?
Princess Katralla: The DNA testing confirms our incipient kiss. Our children will be healthy. Disease free.
Rygel: And you can see what they'll be like! Oh-ho! How many nasty surprises could I have avoided! (He laughs. John looks a bit perplexed, so Katralla demonstrates by speaking to the machine, choosing a gender for him.)
Princess Katralla: Male infant please. (The machine emits a violet light before her as she holds out her arms, and in a moment, a baby appears which she cradles as she laughs with delight. John steps through the open arch of the machine and touches the infant in wonder. Tyno stands with his arms crossed and averts his eyes sadly. Aeryn also enters to room, but stops at some distance as she observes John touching the baby gently and cooing to it)
John: Hey buuuud-dyyyy! What's up? Where'd you come from? Look at you slugger! (to Katralla) This is - this is what our child would look like?
Princess Katralla: One possibility. The choice is ours. (Aeryn turns and leaves.) Would you like to see him grown up?
John: (softly) Yes - please. Not - not too grown up. (He strokes the baby’s head as it fusses and reaches for him) Ssh, ssh, ssh... (The scene fades and now a little boy, clad in snowy white, stands in the violet light of the machine and speaks to John -)
Little Boy: (smiling shyly) Hi, Dad. (John, crouching by the virtual child, grins with pleasure)
Rygel: Astounding device! Oh! Oh - looks just like you! (John and the Little Boy tussle gently.)
John: (grinning with fatherly joy) Yeah, he does kinda.
Rygel: (chucking) Yet he may be able to overcome it! (Awwwwwwww.)

John: Did you know about the statue when you were convincing me to marry the princess?
D'Argo: I don't know about it now.
John: After we're married, and I mean - right after - we're married - they turn us into statues.
D'Argo: That - is - fascinating.
John: (sarcastic) Excellent. D'Argo discovers science.
D'Argo: To what purpose?
John: Governing continuity. They screw with our molecular structure, turn us into pigeon perches, and we preside over their senate or whatever the hell they call it for 80 cycles.
D'Argo: As - a statue?
John: Yeah. And we can see, we can hear - don't ask me how - and we're supposed to absorb every single facet of their governmental system. That way, when Mom and Pops finally kick it - we rule.
D'Argo: Perhaps that's why they've endured 1900 cycles of peace. It works.
John: You're like a brochure.
D'Argo: (after a short pause) You have to go through with it, John.
John: 80 - cycles. My college loans will be delinquent. I'll miss the strippers on my 100th birthday. (His voice rises to a scream of protest.) I'll get a utility bill for three trillion dollars for a single porch light I left on, AND EVERYBODY I KNOW WILL BE DEAD!
D'Argo: The alternative is having your brain dissected by Scorpius.
John: Humans do not live as long as Sebaceans - or Hynerians, or Delvians. When I get back, everyone - my Dad, DK, my sisters - Cameron Diaz, Buffy the Vampire Slayer - WILL BE DEAD!
D'Argo: You may never see these people again anyway.
John: (desolate) Hope, D'Argo. It's what keeps you going. You're gonna see your son. I'm gonna get home. Hope. I have hope - or I have nothing.

John: Why don't you leave me alone, Scorpy?
Scorpius: Because the wormhole technology locked in your brain makes you, to my knowledge, unique in the galaxy.
John: (muttering under his breath) Unique.
Scorpius: And unique is always valuable. Yes. (He signs off.)
John: (continuing to mutter to himself) Unique. Unique... (He reaches up and flicks at a switch on the consoles around him.)
Braca: Stop, or I will shoot you!
John: Really? (He bounds to his feet and faces Braca.) You promise?
Braca: Sit down! (John ignores him.) I said - sit down!
John: Or what? You're gonna shoot me?
Braca: If I have to.
John: Do me the favor! I don't think so, you know? I don't think Scorpy's gonna give you your badge of commendation if you shoot "unique."
Braca: Sit down, or I'll shoot your limbs off one at a time.
John: Nononono - see - Human. Sebacean. Human. Sebacean - we're different - one wound - I bleed out! (Mimicking Scorpius' velvety voice -) Oh! Officer Braca! What the frell happened? Hm? Hm? Hm? Hm? (He grabs the muzzle of Braca’s gun and jerks it up to his forehead. Braca looks alarmed.) Fine! Let's do it then! LET'S DO THIS THING! Come on! Shoot me! Right here! Right here! Come on! (Braca struggles to get his gun away from John's head.) Oh, nonono - not the brain, he wants the brain. The heart! (John yanks the muzzle of Braca’s gun down to his chest as ro-NA whimpers.) Here! The heart. You should shoot me in the heart! Uuuhhh - kinda - yer left, right - (He yanks the gun back and forth over his chest) - oh yeah! My right, your left! My left, your right! (Braca looks frantic, fearful now of accidentally shooting "unique" and unable to get the muzzle of his gun away from John. John pushes the muzzle of the gun down to his crotch now and roars madly on -) Here! John Wayne Bobbit! Vienna Boys Choir! (He yodels a Tarzan-like imitation of a male soprano.) OoOOoohH-waAaAAaaHhHh!
Braca: You're insane!
John: (taking the muzzle of the gun in his hand and screaming wildly at Braca) My sex life! Kill my sex life! Now! Quick! Shoot! Just shoot! (By now Braca is completely psyched out and doesn't know what to do. John takes advantage of his discombobulation to push hard on the gun, sending it and Braca sprawling. He mutters "Pussy" as he then walks over to the console near ro-NA and starts pressing buttons. The Jakensh now makes a move towards him and John spins about, holding his finger to his throat as if it were a gun and says in a gangster voice.) Get back ! Get back or da white boy gets it! (ro-NA jumps back and he whines in a patsy voice.) Man, don't let him kill me! Don't let him - (ro-NA flees and John turns back to messing with the control consoles.) You people are so dumb!
Braca: (he's struggling to regain control of the situation and now aims his weapon at John again) Sit down! (this time John willingly sits - at a control console where he starts pressing buttons like a child pretending to type. The ship lurches and lights begin to flash. Braca yells at ro-NA -) What's he done?
ro-NA: I don't - don't know (She tries to see what systems John is hitting.) Coolant - um - cyclic fuel generation, generators, cabling, weapons priming -
Braca: (alarmed) Weapons priming? Shut them down! (He lunges for John and manages to throw him out of the seat. John trots a short distance away and watches as Braca shouts to ro-NA.) Shut the weapons down!
John: (as ro-NA wails, paralyzed with fear) OH-OH-OH! SHUT 'EM DOWN YOURSELF BRACA! SHUT 'EM DOWN YOURSELF! (The reason for the panic quickly becomes apparent. Activation of the weapons has blown the cargo ships cover and activated the automated defense system of the Royal Planet which now blares its warning over comm- "Undeclared Craft. You have engaged weaponry in a tactical free zone surrounding the Royal Planet. Power down your weapons and identify yourself immediately." As the message repeats, lights flash and ro-NA squeals. John happily offers to help out by answering the planets hail signal.) EXCUSE ME - SHOULD I GET THIS?
Braca: Stay away from the comms! GET AWAY FROM THE COMMS! (He pushes ro-NA.) I said get, Crichton!
John: Aw - maaaannn! (Outside, intercept ships from the planet rise and surround the cargo ship.) WE'RE SO SCREWED, MAN! WE'RE GONNA DIE! (The interceptors begin firing on the cargo ship which becomes a maelstrom of explosions, screaming and flying sparks as John whoops it up. He grabs ro-NA and carries her off, doing a little dance as he goes and pushes her against a wall. She gets the toaster after all as she is electrocuted by damaged circuitry and fries rather horribly. Braca then comes for John, perhaps thinking to grab him and make an escape, or perhaps just for revenge, but his cold PK sense of order is no match for a human who believes he's about to die and is having his last hurrah. John attacks Braca and soon overpowers him, gun or no gun.)
Braca: You're insane!
John: What? You just figured that out? I thought that was common knowledge!
Braca: We have got to get out of here NOW!
John: Really? ALL RIGHT THEN! (He yanks Braca to his feet and slams him against the glass of the space door through which they had entered the ship.)
Braca: Do you want us both to die?
John: You didn't think I was gonna go alone did ya? (But Braca isn't completely without resources. He gets hold of a space helmet near the door and deals John a heavy blow with it. John staggers backwards.)
Braca: Bye, Crichton. The ship's yours, and I've got the helmet! (He claps the helmet on, opens the airlock, and steps out into space. He leaves John howling with frustration and alone on the damaged and dying ship. With no audience to play to, the insanity is gone now and John sprints back into the control area and tries to comm the interceptor ships.)
John: This is John Crichton! I'm on the ship! This is John Crichton! (But the comm panel shorts out violently and John is forced back. He stops, as if weary, and awaits death. But suddenly, a voice speaks to him and the din around him seems to fade into the distance as its calm, soothing, cadence fills his head. It is the voice of Scorpius.)
Voice of Scorpius: Focus, John. Panic is unacceptable. You'll survive.
John: (whispering) No.
Voice of Scorpius: You must survive.
John: (louder) No!
Voice of Scorpius: You've come too far to die. (slowly and resolutely John picks up a gun and walks back to the space door, almost as if he is in a trance.)
John: (he pauses in front of the door and says feverishly) Never get off the boat. Never get off the boat, man! (And at that, he leaps into the void towards Moya's transport pod. Wow. I wonder what THAT was all about...)

Aeryn: I'm very proud of you.
John: Really?
Aeryn: (as she sits next to him) Yes.
John: Why?
Aeryn: Being Crichton. The Crichton I always knew.
John: Yeah? Getting my ass kicked all over the universe.
Aeryn: For getting yourself into a position to get your ass kicked fighting. Resisting. Never giving up.
John: (sounding sad and tired) Aeryn, is there a way off this planet? Have you convinced Scorpius to stop chasing me? The Empress, is she no longer intent on her daughter being heir to the throne?
Aeryn: Those are not good reasons for getting married.
John: (louder, bitterly) Oh I know, bigger picture. Let's say that the idiot son inherits the throne. He starts wars. He makes bad alliances. Millions of people die. (He mumbles softly -) 80 cycles. It's not that long of a time.
Aeryn: (angry) Oh, so you've rationalized this all out have you?
John: Aeryn, I'm tired. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do when there's no fight left?
Aeryn: You run away.
John: With you?
Aeryn: With all of us together. (He touches her hair a moment longer before slowly laying back down on the couch.) What? You can't just quit!
John: I'm not quitting. I just can't go on. (:()

(Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Moya and Pilot are dying.)
Pilot: Moya has slipped from my consciousness. She is gone... and I am shortly to follow. (Zhaan takes a deep shaky breath and Pilot moves to comfort her by laying one great claw gently on her shoulder and neck.) Don't feel sad. Our lives were good. Moya is right. We are - fulfilled.
Zhaan: Pilot, it has been a pleasure.
Pilot: I am ready now. I have seen the stars... (Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.)

D'Argo: The time has come for farewells, my friend.
John: Aw - this is not happening. Just feel free to wake me up any time, D'Argo.
D'Argo: (following him) Well now, I can only speak truth. And that comes as good and bad news.
John: (he turns to face D'Argo as he steps up onto the pedestal next to Katralla) All right. Give me the bad news first.
D'Argo: The bad news is that you're married and must endure as a statue for 80 cycles in a strange world.
John: What's the good news?
D'Argo: Chiana and I are having fantastic sex. (LOL! Okay -- obviously, we don't approve of relationships that skip right to the sex, but this is still a funny line.)

Kahaynu: You should use one of Moya’s transport pods instead of that, Little One.
Zhaan: What do you care what I do?
Kahaynu: All life is precious. Yours should continue.
Zhaan: (with deep resentment) And Moya’s shouldn't?
Kahaynu: We have been through this. Moya can produce gunship offspring. We did not intend the universe to be subjected to that affliction. I'm sorry. I must leave now. (He turns to go and the smoke of his being starts to swirl up around him.)
Zhaan: No! Kahaynu! If Moya’s life is to end capriciously - and Pilot's also - you and I are going to remain with them!
Kahaynu: Doubtful.
Zhaan: (with grim determination) DRD - NOW! In reverse! (The DRD activates the engine of the prowler, and Kahaynu’s insubstantial mist is trapped by the intake.)
Kahaynu: (struggling against the force of the pull) What? Stop this!
Zhaan: Recommission Moya.
Kahaynu: I cannot. I will not! Turn the engine off!
Zhaan: (vehemently) I will spare you if you spare Moya.
Kahaynu: Stop! I beg you!
Zhaan: (deadly) How does it feel for your prayers to go unanswered, Kahaynu? (Awesome!)

Kahaynu: (expansively) Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan.
Zhaan: (disgusted) You live.
Kahaynu: As does Moya. (The lights come on, and the sounds of Moya’s biosystems powering up fill the chamber. Pilot blinks and comes slowly to life.)
Zhaan: What kind of repellent game is this?
Kahaynu: Upon my first exploration of Moya, I knew the circumstances that produced her gunship offspring. And I knew she was a worthy soul.
Zhaan: Then why did you put her through this?
Kahaynu: To see if you were worthy. These are gentle beasts who will ultimately follow the directions of those in control. Should you desire it, Priestess, you could produce an army of killing machines.
Pilot: (weakly) But Zhaan would never -
Kahaynu: Of course she wouldn't. We know that now. We are confident that you will protect Moya vigorously against those who seek to exploit her. You are worthy of that responsibility.
Zhaan: If that is so, then I demand you leave this ship immediately!
Kahaynu: As you wish. But first, Moya wishes to speak with you. (He raises a hand and the deep, slow, feminine voice of Moya once again fills the air.)
Moya: Zhaan. One request -
Zhaan: Anything, Moya!
Moya: Sing! (Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. I love hearing Moya speak. That is just so cool.)

John: I am sorry if it upsets your line of succession, but I am not going to be a statue again!
Empress Novia: I understand your concerns as I'm sure you must understand ours. (slyly) However, if you're the kind of man that would walk away from his own child, we would not want you to rule.
John: Child? What the hell you talking about?
Empress Novia: My daughter is pregnant with your seed.
John: How-? Whoa- How-? Nono- We never -
Empress Novia: Samples from the DNA comparison. Did you really think a system this stable would leave so important a detail to chance?
John: Make me a statue.
Empress Novia: You change your mind so quickly?
John: (firmly) A child deserves two parents. My child deserves a father. Make me a statue.
Empress Novia: Counselor Tyno, arrange for this - honorable man - to re-undergo the transmutation process.
Tyno: I'm afraid that's impossible, Empress. Recall that Crichton is not Sebacean. Based on our findings, human physiology would not tolerate the process a second time.
John: What the hell are you talking about?
Tyno: If you stood beneath that machine again you would die!
John: She won't be defrosted for another 80 cycles - I'm not gonna live that long - I won't be there for them!
Tyno: I know! I'm sorry.
John: (he pauses and looks at Katralla for a long moment before saying quietly to Tyno -) You take my place.
Tyno: I can't.
John: Nobody knows me, right? The public? They don't know who I am.
Tyno: Your unveiling was to be your introduction.
John: Right. Counselor Tyno can be your new king.
Empress Novia: (insistent) Their chromosomes are not compatible!
John: It doesn't matter! She's already pregnant. And it satisfies everything that you need. And it gives my child a good father. And they love each other. (He lifts the earpiece to his ear so he can hear Katralla and asks -) What do you say? Does this work for you?
Princess Katralla: Yes. Thank you.
John: I'm sorry that I won't be around.
Princess Katralla: I'll - never forget.
John: (to the Empress) It's your call.
Empress Novia: As long as the secrets we forge in this room do not escape - it can be done.
John: Well, there you go. Good guys win for once. And I have a child that I'll never know.
Tyno: (he has the earpiece and reports to John) Princess Katralla wants to know if you'd like to see your offspring.
John: Yes. (And now a little girl appears in the machine that was first used in the medical lab when John and Katralla’s compatibility was being confirmed.) Hi there.
Little Girl: Hi - are you my Dad?
John: Yeah, that's right.
Little Girl: I love you, Daddy. (John takes the little girl in his arms and hugs her for a long moment before she fades away. He rises and walks to Katralla the Statue, where he rests his hand on her shoulder for a moment before quickly striding out, saying to Tyno as he leaves -)
John: You take care of my little girl. (Again: awwwwwwwwwww.)